I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
