i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
