I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
