dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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