I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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