I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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