Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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