Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
