It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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