Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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