Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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