Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
