I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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