I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
