There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
