there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
