OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize