My hair reeks of homosexuality.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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