So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I color on your dick again?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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