i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
