I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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