Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
