apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
