So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
