I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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