Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
