i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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