ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
my liver is dry heaving
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
