mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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