Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
