I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
