There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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