All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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