1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
