My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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