thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
