i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
