So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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