god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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