my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
