Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
