Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
