Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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