I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
