I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize