let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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