been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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