WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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