Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
