fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize