This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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