Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
