True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
