I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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