she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this just has baby written all over it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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