I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
