Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
