I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
