I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
