Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
