oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
