you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This baby is an asshole
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
