I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
