Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize