I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
