i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
