I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
